Posts
I think this is a story every guitar player can relate to. After all, who among
us hasn't sat there jammin' and thought that "hey, that Gollum is one
handsome, sexy fellow!"
...None of you? Well, at least that pick he’s holding is pretty
rad. I have no clue how he found it. It looks like it came straight outta Candy
Crush, which I don't recall ever seeing a level anywhere near Mordor. But, hey,
it was a three hour movie so I may have missed a few details. Whatever the
case, he looks happy, and I can't blame him, 'cause even if that pick isn't
coated with LSD (which I mean, look at it, its gotta be), he managed to find
the damn thing.
Anyway, before I get out of hand with wherever I was going with that, why do those suckers get lost in the first place? I swear, every time my pick flies out of my hand, it kicks physics in the balls and lands wherever the hell it wants to. And that’s usually under the couch I’m playing on. So, I have to reach for it. And, at first I'm always too lazy to get up. So, imagine a guy awkwardly bent over his guitar as he fumbles a hand underneath his couch dealing out hushed obscenities.
See, my guitar would be fine with that scenario if I happened to have boobs, but alas I have a step-down from that…no boobs.
 |
That's a happy guitar right there!
|
So, 9 times out of 9 I have to put my guitar down and just shove my hand underneath my couch. Funny enough, it always ends up cruising through a Dust Bunny's Anonymous meeting. So, afterwards, I have to wash my hand before I dare lay another finger on my guitar. But hey, I found it! And I get to playing again. But, now the groove’s all gone. The groove man, I ain’t got no groove after that! But that’s all right. Nothin’ a little Lenny Kravitz can’t solve!
Admit it, he ain’t ‘on’ the groove train. He is the groove train!
What really bums me out are those days
I walk into my room to jam and, all of a sudden, every pick I own has
dematerialized into the void. They are nowhere to be seen! Not on my amp. Not
on my guitar. Not even under that f*****g couch. All my pockets have in ‘em are
spare change and Burger King coupons.
I'll be sorely disappointed if it doesn't.
In the throat.
Some
might call it a curse. Others, a minor inconvenience. It’ll depend on how short
your fuse is, I guess. I say, like most things in life, you’ll never truly
understand the value of something until it’s gone. After all, what is the value
of a pick? It costs a quarter on average. Freaking Gum can laugh at
it and call it a lowly peasant. Yet, you may as well let all hell break loose
when you lose one, because you ain’t gonna be able to play half the shit you
know without it. And, that’s where something so cheap manages to ascertain a
value beyond money --- its practicality. It is a tool that lets us achieve our
desire to create something beautiful. To play music and let our soul express
itself. We take them for granted. But, they truly are beautiful little gems.
Gollum knows this all too well. That’s why he’s looking at it like I am at the
guitar girl up above.
So yeah, I sit there in my room contemplating this stuff after giving up my quest to find one. Eventually, one of my picks has the good grace to return from the void and honor me with its presence, bestowing unto me the privilege of using it. So, I play some AC/DC.
So yeah, I sit there in my room contemplating this stuff after giving up my quest to find one. Eventually, one of my picks has the good grace to return from the void and honor me with its presence, bestowing unto me the privilege of using it. So, I play some AC/DC.
Halfway into the song, it flies outta my hand and back under my f*****g couch.
* \m/
*
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
If you liked this article, go ahead and follow me on the link of your choice to know when the next one's coming. You have no idea how happy I'd be if you did that. I would dragon-kick a baby out of sheer joy! Well...maybe not that. But, I would def have a smile on my face. Also, you'll be spared from my inevitable rampage. It's a win-win.
